Somewhere between Hope & Hurt
OlothandoSomewhere Between Hope and Hurt
Written by Olothando Bevu
Every morning, I wake up and wear a smile,Pretending that I'm fine, even if it's just for a while.I laugh with everyone, I joke and play my part,But nobody sees the silent breaking of my heart.
They see a girl who's happy, a girl who's doing fine,They never see the battles that are taking place inside.And when I say I'm tired, they think they know the reason,But how can I explain a pain that changes with the seasons?
They think it's just a heartbreak, just a boy who walked away,As if one broken promise could explain my darkest days.But how do I tell them that it's more than what they see?That there's a thousand little things slowly breaking me?
I lost the one I ran to when the world became too loud,The one who knew my secrets, who could make me feel less down.He was my friend, my comfort, the person I could trust,And losing him felt like losing the safest part of us.
Now I keep my words inside me; I don't know where they belong,I've been holding things together for so very, very long.And even when somebody asks me, "Tell me what's wrong with you,"I have a thousand feelings, but no words to make them true.
Then there are days I see the people that I love in pain,And I pray that things get better, but the fear still stays.'Cause what do you do when someone means the world to you,And all you can do is hope that they make it through?
There are wounds I never speak of, there are things I can't explain,There are memories that visit me and bring me back to pain.Some people leave you broken, then return as if it's fine,And somehow you're expected to leave yesterday behind.
They say that I'm still young, that I have my whole life ahead,But they don't hear the conversations happening inside my head.They don't know how hard it is to keep on being strong,When you're tired of pretending that nothing is ever wrong.
And the saddest part of all is that I'm learning to concealEvery little piece of me that doesn't know how to heal.I've become so good at smiling that nobody ever seesThe girl who's quietly begging for a moment of peace.
Still, every morning comes, and somehow, so do I,I gather all my broken pieces and watch another day go by.I tell myself tomorrow might bring a little light,Yet somehow all my darkest thoughts grow louder in the night.
I fall upon my knees and pray, with tears I cannot show,I ask God why I'm hurting, why the pain won't let me go.I wonder if He hears me when I whisper through my tears,Or if my prayers get lost somewhere between my doubts and fears.
Are you okay?Are you really okay?Who do you turn to when the silence becomes too loud?Who will listen when you can no longer hide behind the crowd?
Just give me a pen and let me write down all my pain,Let every hidden feeling fall like drops of rain.I don't need you to fix me or to take my pain away,I only need the space to say the words I couldn't say